The 124 Best Dad Jokes (That Will Actually Make You Laugh)

Dads. They’re famous for their jokes. In an effort to make you smile, or sometimes groan, dad’s are known to pull your leg and turn every situation possible into a joke. The puns, the literal understandings, and the special perspectives dads have on life are the sources of all dad jokes.

There’s something comforting about dad jokes. Perhaps you’re here for that very reason – you’d like a laugh from a good old dad joke. Or maybe you’re here for revenge and ammunition to shoot back at dad when he uses his amazing joke skills on you. Or maybe you’re a dad yourself, looking to beef up your joke repertoire.

Whatever your motive, this is the article for you. With 125 bad dad jokes to read through, you’re certain to enjoy a few chuckles, make a few faces and let out a few groans by the time you get to the end. We sure hope you enjoy them!

Dad, You Know What I Mean!

1. Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut.
2. Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
3. Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
4. “I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
5. “Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”
6. “Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”
7. “We were getting fast food when the lady at the window said, ‘Any condiments?’ My dad responded, ‘Compliments? You look very nice today!’”
8. Dad I’m hungry … “Hi hungry” I’m dad
9. “I asked my dad for his best dad joke, and he said, ‘You.’”
10. Where’s the bin? Dad: I haven’t been anywhere!
11. I’m tired. “Hi tired! I’m Dad!”

Dad Puns

1. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
2. Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It’s tearable.
3. If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”
4. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
5. “My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”
6. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
7. I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there.

1. How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.
2. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
3. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
4. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
5. Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
6. “What do you call a man with no nose and no body? Nobody nose.”
7. I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have grater problems.
8. My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
9. A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”
10. I gave all my dead batteries away today… Free of charge.
11. I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
12. A red and a blue ship have just collided in the Caribbean. Apparently, the survivors are marooned.
13. Bicycles can’t stand on their own, they’re two tired.
14. Just watched a documentary about beavers… It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.
15. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
16. There’s a new type of broom out. It’s sweeping the nation.
17. Slept like a log last night … woke up in the fireplace.
18. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
19. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
20. A man walks into a restaurant and orders helicopter flavored chips. The waiter replies, “Sorry mate! We only do plane.”
21. I knew I shouldn’t have ate that seafood. Because now I’m feeling a little… eel
22. “Hold on, I have something in my shoe…I’m pretty sure it’s a foot”
23. Why don’t melons get married? They cantaloupe!

Dad Questions

1. What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
2. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
3. What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
4. Where did the one-legged waitress work? IHOP!
5. What happened when the two antennas got married? Well, the ceremony was kinda boring, but the reception was great!
6. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
7. Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!
8. What did one snowman say to the other one?  “Do you smell carrots?”
9. How do you make a tissue dance?  You put a little boogie in it!
10. Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container?  It said concentrate!
11. How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
12. What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
13. What kind of shoes does a thief wear? Sneakers
14. Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
15. Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
16. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
17. What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe? Roberto
18. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh.
19. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.
20. Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
21. What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
22. How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.
23. What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra.
24. Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.
25. Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!
26. What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato? catch up!
27. What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe? 400 Million Dollars.
28. What did baby corn say to mama corn? Where’s popcorn?
29. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
30. What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
31. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
32. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
33. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
34. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bay-gulls!
35. How do you make a hankie dance? Put a little boogie in it.
36. Where does batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
37. What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
38. What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.
39. Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
40. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have nobody to go with.
41. Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
42. What kind of magic do cows believe in? MOODOO.
43. Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero!
44. What do you call a fish that has two knees? A two-knee fish.
45. What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller!!
46. Why does the color green never have a Valentine’s date? It’s always so jaded.

Things Only Dads Notice

1. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
2. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
3. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
4. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
5. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.
6. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
7. I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Life Lessons and Advice

1. Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, “The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.”
2. I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.
3. I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
4. The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
5. If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are built upside down!
6. Without geometry, life is pointless.
7. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
8. “Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places.” Doctor: “Well, don’t go to those places.”
9. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
10. I’m on a seafood diet… I see food and I eat it.
11. When I was a kid, my dad said I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

Well, That Was Obvious

1. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
2. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
3. I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”
4. What’s ET short for? Because he’s only got little legs.
5. Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the TV.
6. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
7. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine! He woke up.
8. So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says, “Give me some chap-stick… and put it on my bill.”
9. What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles.
10. Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards, they’d still be in the boat.
11. What did Tennessee? The exact same thing as Arkansas.

Classic Dad Jokes

1. I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
2. Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it
3. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
4. A jumper cable walks into a restaurant. The waiter says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
5. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor! I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t. I’ve cut off your arms!”
6. I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to figure out it was just a Fanta sea.
7. What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
8. I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone. Now it’s Hans free.
9. Breaking news! The Energizer Bunny was arrested. He was charged with battery.
10. A Sandwich walks into a restaurant. The waiter says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
11. What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
12. A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.
13. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I can’t put it down.
14. “Commissar! Commissar! The troops are revolting!” Commissar: Well, you’re pretty repulsive yourself.
15. When the phone rings, Dad says, ‘If it’s for me, don’t answer it.”
16. After dinner, your mother asked me to clear the table. Even with a running start, I still landed face first into her spaghetti.
17. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

Did you laugh? We hope you enjoyed this great collection of classic dad jokes and enjoy telling them to your friends, kids, dad and other family members. As they say, “laughter is the best medicine.” With a bit of humor in your life, you’re sure to reduce your stress levels and feel more positive.

Loved our jokes? Share them with a friend! Know more great (or terrible!) dad jokes? Tell us about them in the comments below.

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