For those of us that are not allergic and can enjoy the different variety of nuts that mother nature can offer, we have rounded up quite a few witty nut jokes for you to enjoy while eating these nice delicious snacks.
Our nut puns can be a good source of laughter for not just you but those around you. You can find all sorts of family friendly nut puns here, from funny nut jokes to almond jokes and funny nut one-liners.
So, if you happen to share a delicious healthy nut snack with someone else and are looking to share some witty nutty laughter, then these nut puns will do the trick!
Funny Nut Puns
These funny nut puns are a good way to start sharing laughter with those around you:
- Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
- Why do they send the walnuts to space? Because they make the best astronuts.
- What do you call a nut with lots of money? A Cashew
- What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
- What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
- What did the walnut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
- Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
- Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
- What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
- What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
- Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
- Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
- What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
- What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
- Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
- What does a nut say when it sneezes? “CA-SHEW”
- What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
- Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
- The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
- The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Witty Nut Puns
If you’re looking for more jokes about nuts with a little wit to them, then keep reading, as we have provided more down below:
- The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
- What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
- The kid got in trouble for pecan through the window.
- The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
- Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
- What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
- The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
- The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
- Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
- What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
- What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
- I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Nutty Nut Puns
What’s a nut pun without nuttiness. Here are just a few more nutty jokes for you to enjoy:
- The chess-nut always beats the walnut at chess.
- What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
- How do you know when a nut is nervous? It begins to crack.
- The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
- What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
- The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
- The two nuts became the best of friends, they are like pea-nuts in a pod.
- I do nut rec-almond the peanut cake for dessert.
- The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
- If we are what we eat, then that would make me nuts.
- What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
- What do squirrels wear on their feet? Cashews.
- Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash
- The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
- Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
- Everyone knows that the best kola nuts come from Kolafornia.
- What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
- The best nuts in London are from Nut-tinghill.
Now that we have provided a handful of nut puns within your means, now it’s your turn to be a good source of laughter for someone else. Laughter combined with nut puns are like nut-rients for the mind, which is a great way to start off anyone’s day!
Want more puns? Check out these posts:
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