Ever wonder what your life would be like as a pirate? How about a funny pirate? It doesn’t matter who you are, sometimes you just want to hear a few pirate jokes, or even indulge yourself with a little pirate fun. If you are interested in hearing some of the best pirate jokes out there, keep reading below.
This list has pirate jokes for kids and funny pirate jokes for adults as well. You can use a few of these jokes next time you are celebrating Talk Like A Pirate Day or if you see someone with a wooden leg. Consider using one or more the next time you have to walk the plank.
No matter what, you will be able to get a laugh out of your loved ones with these jokes. Enjoy this list and make sure that you share your favorite pirate pun with others when you can. Your friends will thank you and will likely be able to share some with you too!
- How do pirates prefer their swords? Sharrrp!
- Why did the pirate’s wife leave him? He refused to do yarrrd-work! He also couldn’t open jarrrs!
- What does a pirate use to measure? A yarrrdstick!
- Where does a pirate go get a hamburger? From Harrrdees!
- What is a pirate’s favorite month? Marrrch!
- Why do pirates love St. Louis? Because of the Arrrch!
- Why did the pirate make his dog walk the plank? He didn’t like his barrrk!
- What is a pirate’s favorite type of pizza? Pep-arrr-oni!
- When did the pirate get his ears pierced? When he was a teenage-arrr!
- Why do pirates shower before they walk the plank? They want to look sharrrp!
- Who has the honor of being a pirate’s favorite sea life? The sand-dollarrr!
Funny Pirate Jokes
- Why don’t certain pirates like to play cards? Since ye lose yer first hand ye get!
- How does a pirate pay for goods? With gold coins!
- How much will a pirate pay for corn? A buck an ear!
- What did the pirate say when the pirate ship started to wash up on shore? Shiver me timbers!
- Does it take a pirate long to learn the alphabet? No, since they mostly use A and R.
- What can you call a pirate to turn a pirate furious? A landlubber!
- How will you know when you have seen a pirate ship? You will see a jolly roger and a pirate standing on the deck. Duh!
- What do ye call a pirate that has lost his wooden legs? Stationary!
- What did the parrot say to the pirate? Nothing it just waved.
- How do pirates prefer to communicate with each other? By singing shanties!
- Why do pirates wear eye patches? In order to “sea” better!
- What did the pirate say to the lady pirate? Ahoy! Arrr you from around here?
- How do you know when you see a pirate who has lost at cards? He’s lost his wooden legs!
- What type of car will you see a pirate drive? A cutlass!
- Why did the first mate say never to play cards with the pirate? Because after one hand ye get hooked!
- Where will you find a pirate with no legs? Right where ye left him!
- What does a pirate wear to church? His fancy eye patch!
More Pirate Puns
- How much did the pirate pay to get his ear pierced? A larrrge amount!
- What is a pirate’s favorite instrument? The harrrp!
- Where do pirates go when they want to relax or when a pirate buries his treasure? Their yarrrds!
- Why was the pirate crying when he was stuck in the freezer? Because he’s scared of the darrrk!
- What size does a pirate wear? An extra larrrge!
- Why was the pirate standing on the deck of his ship? So he can see the starrrs!
- Why did the pirate put on sunscreen? He didn’t want the sun to harrrm his skin!
- What is the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer? A cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
Pirate Jokes for Kids
- Why did the pirate have to stop shopping? Because everything he wanted cost an arm and a leg.
- What do you call a pirate with two eyes? A newbie!
- What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A landlubber!
- Why does it take pirates so long to get ready? They have to find an outfit that goes with their wooden leg!
- Who is a pirate’s best friend? His first mate!
- Why is pirating so addictive? Because you get to “sea” the world! You can also spend years at C.
- What are a pirate’s most distinguishing features? His peg and hook!
Talk Like a Pirate
- How do you get a pirate to learn the alphabet? Teach them the R first!
- What has 8 legs 8 arms and 8 eyes? Four people that are not pirates!
- How does a broke pirate pay for his peg leg? With his charrrm!
- What did the ocean say about the pirate? He could barely “sea” him!
- Why did the pirate say he made so much money? For all of his harrrd work!
- What is a pirate’s second favorite type of vessel? A barrrge!
- How much did the pirate like rum?
- Enough to buy many jarrrs!
- If you want to make a pirate furious take away the p from his name!
- They say once ye lose your sea legs, it’s hard to stand up!
- Once there was a pirate that lived in a freezer, shiver me timbers was his name.
Pirates sure are wacky, and they do plenty of funny things too. If you enjoyed these special jokes about pirates, be sure to share this page with your friends. They may like to hear about pirates as much as you do and will likely appreciate the gesture.
Most people love to hear a good joke now and then, and one about pirates is something that you just can’t pass up. You might even make up your own jokes in your spare time. It is fun and easy to do.
If you are craving even more jokes, check out our other joke pages, including the ones about dad jokes or gym jokes. Feel free to comment below about these jokes, talk about your favorite joke, or tell us one of your own! We would love to hear from you.