Sloths are slow.
But they’re also hilarious.
But do you know what’s even more hilarious than an actual sloth?
(Hot tip: Did you know that a group of sloths is called a bed of sloths?)
In this post, we’ve assembled some of the best funny sloth jokes, sloth puns, and sloth pick up lines around, to keep the laughs hangin’ around and the good times from movin’ on too quickly.
(Laugh slow… very slow…)
Ever find yourself in need of a good sloth joke?
Or maybe you just love to laugh?
Or maybe you need the perfect pick-up-line for that nerdy girl wearing the sloth T-shirt to the party?
Let’s dive in and uncover some of the most sloth-like humor around.
Don’t bring the claws out, these jokes are harmless… mostly!
Slothtastic Sloth Jokes
- What did the turtle say while dating the sloth? Let’s take it sloooowwwww.
- Thought I was watching a video of a sloth for 10 minutes yesterday. Turned out, it was just a picture!
- Watched a sloth eat a watch the other day. It was very time consuming…
- What do sloths throw when winter hits? Slowballs.
- What do sloths make in the snow? Slow angels.
- A sloth got mugged by a bunch of snails. Know what he said afterward? It all happened so fast.
- The priest said my body was built for sin. What sin? Slothfulness.
- What do scientists call an intelligent sloth? A slow-mo-sapien!
- What happens when you cross a sloth with a cat? You get a slow leopard.
- What happens if you cross a Scottish rock band with a sloth? Slow patrol!
- With how long it took Shakespeare to write Othello, it should’ve been titled Slothello!
- What’s a sloth’s favorite way to eat chicken? Slothern fried.
- What do you call a sloth with a big heart? A sloft-ee.
- What’s a sloth’s favorite piece of furniture? The sloth-fa.
- When should you apologize to a sloth? Later… much later.
- Why didn’t the bed of sloths (group of sloths) go extinct? That one’s easy. It’s because they didn’t plan on going anywhere!
- What was the sloth’s favorite song? Don’t worry, be happy!
- When asked why the sloths voted to keep the coal mines open, the sloth congressman said this: Because in terms of energy, sloths are conservative!
- A cop caught a little boy with a slingshot in one hand and a sloth clutched in the other.
“Listen here,” said the cop. “Whatever you do to that poor little defenseless creature, I’ll do to you!”
The little boy thought for a moment before responding.
“Fine. Then I’ll kiss its butt and let it go.”
- A sloth stopped by the bar to grab a drink. He ended up staying all night and drinking a lot. After awhile, the bartender asks him why he was there.
“Well, I’m sad because my wife decided to leave me. In fact, I’ll bet she’s already half-way through the kitchen by now!”
Sloth Puns That Aren’t ‘Slow’ To The Punch Line
- The slot machines were so slow that the casino-goers called them sloth machines.
- Sloths are always listening to slow music. You can find their playlists on Slothify.
- “Why hast nature made us so lazy?” This was the chief philosophical question of the sloths.
- What happens when you cross a sloth and two frogs? You get a two-toad sloth.
- What is the three-toed sloth’s favorite snack chip? Fritos.
- What do you call a sloth who barely moves? A slow-off!
- What did the mama sloth say to the baby sloth who was trying to rush across the tree branch? “Slow down and hang-in there, junior!”
- What do you call an aristocratic sloth? Slowphisticated.
- What do sloths read in the morning? Snooze-papers.
- What did the city sloth say? I’m from the sloth side!
- Why did Stacie take a speed-reading course? Because it was her sloth-more year!
- Why do sloths seem so slow? Because every movement takes fur-ever!
- What do sloths drink in the morning? Their morning sloth-fee!
- What’s a sloth’s favorite snack? A slow-cone!
- Why are sloths the most social animals? Because they always wanna hang out!
- Why’d the sloth cross the road? No one knows, because he hasn’t made it yet!
Sloth Pick Up Lines That’ll Keep Your Crush ‘Hangin’ Around
- You remind me of a sloth. You’re cute and look like you were born to climb a tree like me.
- Do you like sloths? Wanna be my significant sloth–er?
- What do you think of sloths? (If she says she likes them…) Girl, are you fur-real? So do I. Let’s go on a date!
- Guess what my favorite animal is? It’s a sloth… and I like you slooow much!
- I’m like a sloth, and you’re like moss. I think you’re starting to grow on me!
Weird-But-Cool Facts About Sloths
- Sloths are slow, but they’re actually three times stronger than humans!
- Did you know that sloths can starve to death, even with a full stomach? If they get cold enough, their bodies stop digesting the food!
What did you think of these slothfully irresistible jokes, puns, and pick-up lines?
Sure, some of them were slow to get started.
But don’t worry, once they get started… well, they’re still kinda slow.
Leave a comment and let us know if you’ve heard anything better!
Also, don’t move on too quickly. Hang around for a while, and check out a few of our other hilarious joke posts!